For Your Information Blog
Processing Emotions in a Healthy Way: A Guide to Emotional Well-Being
We deal with a lot of stress every day and sometimes emotions can sometimes feel overwhelming. Whether it's stress from work, relationship challenges, residual trauma from the pandemic, or even the coming election, learning how to process emotions in a healthy way is crucial for our overall well-being. Here’s a guide to help you navigate your emotions more effectively.
1. Acknowledge Your Emotions
The first step in processing emotions is acknowledging them. It’s important to recognize what you are feeling without judgment. Whether it’s sadness, anger, joy, or anxiety, allow yourself to experience the emotion fully. Naming it can help: “I feel anxious,” or “I feel frustrated.”
This simple act can create a sense of relief and clarity.
2. Understand the Source
Once you’ve acknowledged your emotions, take time to understand their source. Ask yourself questions like:
What triggered this emotion?
Is this feeling rooted in a past experience?
Are there any patterns in my emotional responses?
Consider the other side of what is making you feel the way you do. For example, if a friend or co-worker is making you frustrated, consider that maybe they are going through a difficult time. Seeing that perspective can help diffuse your anger or frustration.
Understanding the context can help you make sense of your feelings and prepare you for healthier responses in the future.
3. Express Yourself
Holding emotions inside can lead to bigger issues down the line. Find healthy ways to express what you’re feeling:
Journaling: Writing can provide an outlet for your thoughts and feelings. It can help clarify your emotions and provide perspective.
Artistic Expression: Drawing, painting, or engaging in music can be therapeutic ways to express emotions. Even just listening to music or viewing art can help!
Talking it Out: Share your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Verbalizing emotions can be incredibly cathartic.
4. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing, can help you stay grounded. These techniques allow you to observe your emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them.
Try to:
Focus on Your Breath: Spend a few minutes each day concentrating on your breathing. This can help calm your mind and center your emotions.
Body Scan: Pay attention to how emotions manifest in your body. Notice areas of tension or discomfort and breathe into those spaces.
Get out into nature: Being in nature for even 15 minutes a day can help center you. Breathing fresh air and appreciating the natural beauty of the world around you can help.
5. Reframe Negative Thoughts
Our thoughts can greatly influence our emotions. Practice reframing negative thoughts into more positive or constructive ones. For instance, instead of thinking, “I’ll never get through this,” try, “This is challenging, but I can take it one step at a time.” This shift can help reduce feelings of hopelessness or despair. Focusing on how far you have progressed can be helpful also.
6. Engage in Physical Activity
Exercise is a powerful tool for processing emotions. Physical activity releases endorphins, which can enhance your mood. Whether it’s going for a walk, doing yoga, or hitting the gym, there are countless options for getting some physical activity. Find a form of exercise you enjoy. Moving your body not only helps to reduce stress and increase endorphins, but can also give you a sense of accomplishment.
7. Establish Healthy Routines
Creating a daily routine that includes self-care activities can promote emotional stability. Consider incorporating:
Regular sleep patterns
Healthy eating habits
Time for hobbies or relaxation
Staying hydrated
These practices can help regulate your emotions and provide a sense of structure in your life. They also make your body feel physically better, which will boost your mood.
8. Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, emotions can become too overwhelming to handle alone. If you find yourself struggling to cope, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Therapists and counselors can provide valuable tools and support to help you navigate your feelings.
Conclusion
Processing emotions in a healthy way is an essential skill that takes practice. By acknowledging, understanding, and expressing your feelings, as well as utilizing mindfulness techniques and seeking support when needed, you can build emotional resilience. Remember, it’s okay to feel, and by embracing your emotions, you can lead a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Abuse Red Flags: How To Spot Signs of Abuse & What To Do About It.
There are horrific stories of abuse just about every day in the news. Most recently there was a report of a 16-year old girl being allegedly shot in the head after an argument with her 18-year old boyfriend turned physical. Often we are left thinking, What could I do? Or How could I have helped?
One of the ways we all may potentially be able to help is to recognize the signs of abuse.
Abuse can take many forms—physical, emotional, verbal, and even financial. Recognizing the signs is crucial not only for helping those in need but also for fostering a safer environment for everyone. This blog aims to equip you with the knowledge to identify potential signs of abuse, whether in a friend, family member, or colleague.
Understanding the Types of Abuse
Before diving into the signs, it’s important to understand the different types of abuse:
Physical Abuse: This involves the use of physical force that can result in injury or harm. Signs may include unexplained bruises, cuts, or frequent injuries.
Emotional and Psychological Abuse: This type often goes unnoticed but can be incredibly damaging. Signs include constant criticism, humiliation, or manipulation.
Verbal Abuse: This involves yelling, insults, or threats. Victims may appear anxious or fearful around the abuser.
Financial Abuse: This includes controlling a person’s finances, stealing their money, or preventing them from accessing their own resources.
Key Signs to Watch For
1. Physical Indicators
Frequent Injuries: Look for patterns of unexplained injuries or “accidents.”
Changes in Appearance: Noticeable weight changes, poor hygiene, or wearing clothes that seem out of season (e.g., long sleeves in warm weather to cover bruises).
2. Behavioral Changes
Withdrawal: A person may become isolated, avoiding friends and family.
Fearfulness: They might exhibit anxiety around certain individuals, especially if those individuals are present.
Low Self-Esteem: Signs include excessive apologizing, a lack of confidence, or feelings of worthlessness.
In children: These signs might also include suddenly starting to wet the bed or have accidents well beyond the toilet training years.
Children: May also have a sudden drop in their school performance.
3. Communication Patterns
Avoidance of Topics: They may change the subject or become defensive when discussing their relationship or living situation.
Inconsistent Stories: If someone frequently alters their account of events, it could indicate they are covering up abuse.
4. Controlling Relationships
Excessive Monitoring: If someone’s partner or family member constantly checks their whereabouts or restricts their social interactions, it may be a sign of emotional or financial abuse.
Isolation: A person may be cut off from friends or family, which is a common tactic used by abusers to maintain control.
5. Financial Control
Limited Access to Money: If someone seems to have little control over their finances, it may indicate financial abuse.
Unexplained Financial Hardship: They might express worry about money without a clear reason.
How to Approach the Topic
If you suspect someone is being abused, it’s vital to approach the situation with sensitivity and care:
Create a Safe Space: Make sure they know you are there to listen and support, not to judge.
Be Direct but Gentle: If you feel comfortable, ask open-ended questions that allow them to share their feelings without pressure.
Educate Them: Sometimes, individuals may not recognize their situation as abusive. Share information about what constitutes abuse.
Offer Resources: Provide contact information for local shelters, hotlines, or support groups. This empowers them to take steps when they’re ready.
Respect Their Decisions: Understand that they may not be ready to leave or seek help, and that’s okay. Support them in their choices.
Conclusion
Recognizing the signs of abuse can be the first step in breaking the cycle and helping someone find a way out. By staying aware and informed, you can make a significant difference in someone’s life. If you or someone you know is in danger, do not hesitate to seek professional help. Together, we can create a safer community for all.
Domestic Violence and It Ends With Us
This weekend, some of you may be thinking about seeing a movie. Many of you will check out the latest film starring Blake Lively, “It Ends With Us”. The movie is an adaptation of Colleen Hoover’s best selling novel about Lily Bloom, who overcomes a traumatic childhood to embark on a new life in Boston. The character is a strong, independent woman who is opening her own business, but she is also a victim of intimate partner violence. Justin Baldoni plays her love interest/abuser and also directed the film.
There has been a lot of discussion in the media about this film, the quality of the adaptation and the choices made by Baldoni in bringing the story to the screen, but the most important discussions center around the issue of domestic violence.
Why is this film, and the ensuing discussion about intimate partner violence, important? The following staggering statistics show how widespread a problem domestic violence is and the ripples it creates throughout society.
According to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline:
https://www.thehotline.org/stakeholders/domestic-violence-statistics/
General domestic violence statistics
An average of 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States — more than 12 million women and men over the course of a single year.
Intimate partner violence alone affects more than 12 million people every year.
Over 1 in 3 women (35.6%) and 1 in 4 men (28.5%) in the US have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
Almost half of all women and men in the US have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime (48.4% and 48.8%, respectively).
Women ages 18 to 24 and 25 to 34 generally experience the highest rates of intimate partner violence.
Teen and young adult statistics
43% of dating college women report experiencing violent and abusive dating behaviors including physical, sexual, digital, verbal, or other controlling abuse.
Nearly 1 in 3 college women (29%) say they’ve been in an abusive dating relationship .
52% of college women report knowing a friend who’s experienced violent and abusive dating behaviors including physical, sexual, digital, verbal, or other controlling abuse.
Over half of all college students (57%) say it’s difficult to identify dating abuse.
Mental health statistics
Survivors are 3 times as likely to meet the criteria for PTSD.
Survivors are 2 times more likely to develop symptoms of depression and 3 times more likely to develop a major depressive order.
Survivors are 3 times more likely to engage in self-harming behaviors.
Survivors are 3 times more likely to have suicidal thoughts and 4 times more likely to attempt suicide.
Survivors are 3 times more likely to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.
Survivors are 6 times more likely to have a substance use disorder.
Whether the movie is an accurate adaptation of the book or handles the subject in an appropriate way, it is very important that these discussions are being had. If you or someone you love is a survivor of intimate partner violence or domestic violence, we can help. Our Victims of Crime Act (VOCA) Case Managers can help with advocacy, support, the Victims’ Compensation process, setting up a safety plan, or relocation.
All services are FREE.
https://www.ctfsa.org/voca-case-management-program
Here are 2 more frightening statistics for you:
58% of college students say they don’t know what to do to help someone who is a victim of dating abuse.
38% of college students say they don’t know how to get help for themselves if they experience dating abuse as a victim.
Help is available. Please reach out. And please share this with your network.
Unveiling the Truth:
Common Misconceptions About Mental Illness
Mental illness is a complex and multifaceted issue that affects millions of people worldwide. Despite growing awareness and education, many misconceptions still persist, often leading to stigma and misunderstanding. In this blog post, we'll address some of the most common myths about mental illness and shed light on the realities that can help foster greater empathy and support.
Myth 1: Mental Illness is a Sign of Weakness
Reality: One of the most damaging myths is that mental illness is a sign of personal weakness or a lack of willpower. In truth, mental health conditions are medical issues that can affect anyone, regardless of their strength or character. Just as physical illnesses like diabetes or heart disease are not a result of weakness, neither are mental health disorders. They are complex conditions influenced by a combination of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors.
Myth 2: People with Mental Illness Are Dangerous
Reality: The idea that individuals with mental health conditions are inherently dangerous or violent is a harmful stereotype. Research shows that people with mental illnesses are more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators. Most individuals with mental health conditions are not violent and are more likely to seek help and support. It's crucial to distinguish between mental illness and violent behavior, which often has other contributing factors.
Myth 3: Mental Illness Is a Permanent Condition
Reality: While some mental health conditions can be chronic, many people can and do recover or manage their symptoms effectively with the right treatment and support. Mental illness is not necessarily a life sentence; with appropriate therapy, medication, and self-care strategies, many individuals can lead fulfilling lives and experience significant improvement in their symptoms.
Myth 4: Therapy Is Only for “Crazy” People
Reality: Therapy is a valuable resource for anyone, not just those experiencing severe mental health issues. Many people seek therapy for a range of reasons, including stress, relationship issues, personal growth, and everyday challenges. Therapy provides a safe space for individuals to explore their thoughts and feelings, gain insight, and develop coping strategies. Seeking help from a mental health professional is a proactive step towards improving overall well-being.
Myth 5: Medication Is the Only Solution for Mental Illness
Reality: While medication can be an essential part of treatment for some mental health conditions, it is not the only solution. Effective mental health care often involves a combination of approaches, including therapy, lifestyle changes, support networks, and self-care practices. Each person’s path to wellness is unique, and a holistic approach that addresses various aspects of life can be the most effective.
Myth 6: Mental Illness Is a Result of Bad Parenting or Personal Choices
Reality: Mental health conditions are not caused by poor parenting or personal failures. They arise from a complex interplay of genetic, biological, and environmental factors. Blaming parents or personal choices oversimplifies the issue and can prevent individuals from seeking the help they need. It’s important to recognize that mental illness is a legitimate health concern, not a consequence of personal shortcomings.
Myth 7: People with Mental Illness Just Need to "Snap Out of It"
Reality: Mental health conditions are not something people can simply "snap out of" or will away. They are real medical conditions that require appropriate treatment and support. Dismissing mental illness as something someone can just overcome on their own can be harmful and invalidating. Empathy, understanding, and encouragement to seek professional help are far more effective in supporting those struggling with mental health issues.
Myth 8: Mental Illness Is Always Visible
Reality: Not all mental health conditions are visible or obvious. Many people with mental illnesses look perfectly healthy on the outside, but may be struggling internally. Conditions like depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder may not have outward signs but can significantly impact an individual's daily life. It’s important to be aware that mental health struggles can be hidden and to approach conversations with sensitivity and openness.
Moving Forward
Addressing and debunking these misconceptions is crucial for building a more supportive and understanding society. By educating ourselves and others about the realities of mental illness, we can help reduce stigma, encourage those in need to seek help, and foster a culture of compassion and support. Remember, mental health is an integral part of overall well-being, and every effort to understand and support it contributes to a healthier, more inclusive world.
Every one of our member agencies provides mental health services to the communities they serve. If you or someone you love needs help, please see https://www.ctfsa.org/member-profiles for the agency closest to you. Be well.
What To Do When You Are Feeling Overwhelmed
Feeling overwhelmed is a universal experience that can strike anyone, regardless of age, occupation, or lifestyle. It's that sinking sensation when tasks pile up, deadlines loom large, and it seems like there's simply too much to handle. However, amidst the chaos, there are strategies and techniques that can help restore balance and regain a sense of calm. Here’s a guide on what to do when you find yourself feeling overwhelmed:
Pause and Breathe
When you feel overwhelmed, the first instinct might be to push through or panic. Instead, take a moment to pause. Close your eyes, inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale slowly. Repeat this a few times. This simple act of mindful breathing can immediately reduce stress and bring clarity to your thoughts.
Identify the Source
Pinpoint what is causing you to feel overwhelmed. Is it a looming deadline, a packed schedule, personal issues, or a combination? Understanding the root cause can help you strategize a solution. Sometimes, the feeling of being overwhelmed is exacerbated by not knowing where to start.
Prioritize Tasks
I am a big list maker. Seeing things in black and white and being able to cross things off makes a big difference for me. Make a list of everything that needs to be done. Prioritize tasks based on urgency and importance. Break larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps, maybe committing to working on a larger project for only 30 minutes at a time. Tackling tasks one at a time can make them feel less daunting and help you regain a sense of control.
Delegate and Ask for Help
Remember, you don’t have to do everything alone. Delegate tasks where possible, whether at work or home. Reach out to friends, family, or colleagues for support. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Create a Routine
Establishing a daily routine can provide structure and reduce feelings of chaos. Set specific times for work, meals, exercise, and relaxation. A routine helps create predictability and can prevent tasks from feeling overwhelming.
Take Breaks
Allow yourself breaks throughout the day, especially during intense periods of work or stress. Step away from your desk, go for a short walk, or engage in a brief relaxation exercise. Physical movement and mental breaks can re-energize you and enhance productivity. One important mechanism for not getting overwhelmed for me is to shut down my computer and read at lunchtime. Even if it is for only 20-30 minutes, having that break from work and deadlines is vital for my productivity later in the day.
Practice Self-Care
Self-care is crucial for managing feelings of being overwhelmed. Be sure you are getting enough sleep, eating balanced meals, and exercising regularly. Engage in activities you enjoy … whether it’s reading, listening to music, or spending time outdoors. Do NOT turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as alcohol, junk food, or avoiding responsibilities by scrolling on social media. Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being will help you cope better with stress.
Limit Distractions
Identify distractions that contribute to your feelings of being overwhelmed. Whether it’s excessive social media use, multitasking, or interruptions, take steps to minimize these distractions. Create a focused work environment to enhance productivity and reduce stress.
Seek Perspective
Sometimes, being overwhelmed can make problems seem insurmountable. Talk to a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist. Sharing your feelings and gaining perspective from others can provide clarity and reassurance.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or yoga, can help you stay grounded in the present moment and manage stress more effectively. Incorporate mindfulness practices into your daily routine to cultivate a sense of calm and resilience. Mindfulness can be a way of resetting your mind, just like turning your computer off and back on when it glitches out.
Learn to Say No
Know your limits and don’t be afraid to say no to additional commitments or requests that will overwhelm you further. Setting boundaries is essential for preserving your well-being and focusing on priorities. For more on setting healthy boundaries in your relationships, see last month’s blog.
Reflect and Adjust
At the end of each day, take a few minutes to reflect on what went well and what could be improved. Adjust your strategies as needed. Learning from each experience can help you better manage future instances of being overwhelmed.
Feeling overwhelmed is a natural response to life’s challenges, but it doesn’t have to consume you. By practicing these strategies and techniques, you can regain control, reduce stress, and find calm amidst the chaos. Remember, it’s okay to take things one step at a time—small changes can lead to significant improvements in your overall well-being. Be well.
Setting Healthy Boundaries in Your Relationships
Establishing clear boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and personal well-being. Whether it is a relationship at home, at work, or with friends, healthy boundaries can actually be a way of building bonds between people and can be very beneficial.
1. Define Your Limits
Understanding and communicating your limits is crucial for setting boundaries.
Reflect on what you are comfortable with and what makes you uncomfortable in your relationships. Clearly communicate these limits to your partner, friend, or family member. For instance, if you need alone time after work, make it known. This clarity prevents misunderstandings and fosters respect.
Healthy boundaries start with self-awareness and clear communication.
2. Be Consistent
Consistency in enforcing your boundaries ensures they are respected.
When you set a boundary, stick to it. If you allow exceptions, it sends mixed signals and weakens your stance. For example, if you establish that weekends are personal time, avoid making exceptions regularly. Consistency reinforces the importance of your boundaries and encourages others to honor them.
Firm and consistent boundaries foster respect.
3. Practice Self-Respect
Respecting your own boundaries teaches others to respect them too.
Honor the boundaries you set for yourself. If you don't respect your own limits, others won't either. If you decide to disconnect from work emails after 5:00 p.m., adhere to it. Your self-respect sets the standard for how others should treat you.
Respect yourself, and others will follow suit.
4. Communicate Openly
Open communication is key to setting and maintaining boundaries.
Discuss your boundaries openly and honestly with those involved. Share your reasons without feeling the need to over-explain. For example, if you need quiet time to recharge, simply state that need. Open communication fosters understanding and cooperation.
Clear communication builds stronger, more respectful relationships.
5. Handle Pushback Gracefully
Expect and manage resistance to your boundaries with grace.
Some may challenge your boundaries, especially if they were previously used to a different dynamic. Stand firm yet polite when reinforcing your limits. For instance, if a friend insists on dropping by unannounced, gently remind them of your need for notice. Handling pushback calmly reinforces your commitment to your well-being.
Stay calm and firm in the face of resistance.
Setting healthy boundaries is an act of self-care that enhances your relationships and personal well-being.
Finding Serenity:
Healthy Ways to Destress
In today's fast-paced world, stress has become an unavoidable part of daily life. Whether it's juggling work deadlines, managing family responsibilities, or navigating the challenges of modern living, the demands placed upon us can often feel overwhelming. However, it is essential to prioritize self-care and find healthy ways to destress. Here are some strategies to cultivate inner peace and promote well-being in the midst of life's hustle and bustle:
Mindfulness Meditation: Taking time to practice mindfulness meditation can be a powerful antidote to stress. By focusing on the present moment and observing our thoughts and emotions without judgment, we can cultivate a sense of calm and clarity. Even just a few minutes of meditation each day can make a significant difference in reducing stress levels and promoting overall well-being.
Deep Breathing Exercises: When we're feeling stressed or anxious, our breath often becomes shallow and rapid. Practicing deep breathing exercises can help to activate the body's relaxation response, calming the nervous system and promoting a sense of relaxation. Try taking slow, deep breaths in through the nose, holding for a few seconds, and then exhaling slowly through the mouth.
Engage in Physical Activity: Exercise is not only essential for physical health but also plays a crucial role in managing stress and promoting mental well-being. Whether it's going for a brisk walk, practicing yoga, or hitting the gym, engaging in regular physical activity can help to reduce tension, improve mood, and boost energy levels.
Connect with Nature: Spending time in nature has been shown to have a profound impact on reducing stress and promoting a sense of peace and well-being. Whether it's taking a hike in the woods, spending time by the ocean, or simply enjoying a walk in the park, immersing ourselves in nature can help to quiet the mind and soothe the soul.
Practice Gratitude: Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can shift our focus from what's causing us stress to what we're thankful for in our lives. Take time each day to reflect on the things you're grateful for, whether it's the support of loved ones, moments of joy and laughter, or the beauty of the natural world. Keeping a gratitude journal can be a powerful way to cultivate a positive mindset and reduce stress.
Set Boundaries: Learning to say no and setting boundaries around our time and energy is essential for managing stress and preventing burnout. It's okay to prioritize self-care and prioritize activities that bring us joy and fulfillment. Remember that it's not selfish to take care of yourself—it's necessary for your well-being.
Engage in Creative Expression: Whether it's painting, writing, gardening, or playing music, engaging in creative activities can be a therapeutic outlet for stress. Expressing ourselves creatively allows us to tap into our innermost thoughts and emotions, providing a sense of catharsis and release.
Connect with Others: Social support is a powerful buffer against stress. Take time to nurture relationships with friends, family, and loved ones, whether it's through meaningful conversations, shared activities, or simply spending quality time together. Having a strong support network can provide comfort, encouragement, and perspective during challenging times.
Incorporating these healthy habits into your daily routine can help to reduce stress levels, promote well-being, and cultivate a greater sense of inner peace and balance. Remember that self-care is not selfish—it's essential for your physical, mental, and emotional health. So take time each day to prioritize your well-being and nurture yourself with kindness and compassion.
Victims of Crime - How Would You Help?
A friend or family member comes to you and reports they
have been a victim of a crime.
What would you do?
How would you help?
Listening and Responding
It is important to remember that the person you are speaking to has been traumatized and needs support most of all. The most important thing you can do is listen. And when you respond, never suggest that the victimization was their fault. It is natural to want to explain away why something horrible has happened, but a person should never suggest that a crime victim should not have been where they were or doing what they were doing or should have anticipated someone else’s bad actions by having better security (cyber or physical) to avoid being a victim.
A person who has been traumatized may not remember exactly what you said later on, but they will be able to recall how you made them feel, so be gentle, understanding, supportive, and empathetic. It helps to think to yourself, what would I want or need in this situation, and then respond in kind.
Actions
A survivor of crime may both want someone with them more often than previously and may also need a little time alone. You can offer to spend quiet time if they do not want talk too much, and can even help with basic tasks that may seem overwhelming to a recent crime survivor.
You may pick up some groceries, cook a meal, or tidy up around their home to help make them feel more at ease. Again, thinking what would I want or need in this situation and then confirming what is best with the survivor is helpful.
Offer help
There are plenty of organizations and groups who offer professional help to crime survivors. CCFSA administers the Victims of Crime Act (VOCA) Case Management Program which offers survivors of over 25 different crimes support, advocacy in court, and help with the Victim’s Compensation Program.
We have been able to help survivors or domestic violence, identity theft, hate crimes, bullying, vehicular crimes, assault, burglary, and elder abuse to name a few. All services are free and based on what your particular case needs. We have been able to help with housing for survivors of domestic violence who needed to relocate, and have gotten survivors connected to schooling or job opportunities so they can rebuild their lives. We can help a person who has survived identity theft to rebuild their credit. We can assist with the Victim’s Compensation Process to recoup some financial costs of their victimization. And we connect survivors to counseling services to help them work through their trauma. Help is available. Please reach out.
Benefits of Mindfulness
Sometimes the world can seem overwhelming. We are always rushing around between work and school and the grocery store and taking care of our homes and our responsibilities and our families. Sometimes we literally just need to stop and take a breath.
Mindfulness is a practice where a person is trained to focus only on the present moment without any judgement. A person focuses not only on each breath, but each inhale and each exhale. Learning to practice mindfulness in this way is like resetting your computer when it starts to glitch out.
And recently, there has been more evidence of the physical, as well as psychological benefits of practicing mindfulness.
Benefits of Mindfulness
Mindfulness improves well-being. Being mindful makes it easier to savor the pleasures in life as they occur, helps you become fully engaged in activities, and creates a greater capacity to deal with adverse events. By focusing on the here and now, many people who practice mindfulness find that they are less likely to get caught up in worries about the future or regrets over the past, are less preoccupied with concerns about success and self-esteem, and are better able to form deep connections with others.
Mindfulness improves physical health. If greater well-being isn’t enough of an incentive, scientists have discovered that mindfulness techniques help improve physical health in a number of ways. Mindfulness can: help relieve stress, treat heart disease, lower blood pressure, reduce chronic pain, improve sleep, and alleviate gastrointestinal difficulties.
Mindfulness improves mental health. In recent years, psychotherapists have turned to mindfulness meditation as an important element in the treatment of a number of problems, including: depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, couples’ conflicts, anxiety disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
How to Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness involves sitting quietly, usually with your eyes closed, and focusing on your breath. During the time that you are sitting in meditation or mindfulness, you may repeat a word or phrase over and over again in your head that is considered a mantra. This can be something simple like, “Let me be happy. Let me be healthy. Let me be calm” but can certainly be personal to whomever is meditating at the time.
While a person is sitting in mindfulness, thoughts or concerns may creep into a person’s mind. That is ok. It is helpful to let these thoughts come and go like clouds passing overhead without any judgement or additional thought. Any time a person finds themselves losing focus on their breath, they should just redirect their mind back to their breathing without getting frustrated or upset.
Once you have established a routine of sitting in mindfulness several times a week and have become accustomed to learning to relax in this way, you can lean on this technique whenever you need it. Using mindfulness, it only takes a moment to reset your internal computer whenever you are stressed. If you find yourself in a long line in the store or stuck in traffic, for example, you can remember to focus on your breath and the present moment instead of wishing it was over, and you will feel the stress slip away effortlessly.
Mindfulness can be practiced by anyone, at any time, anywhere. The benefits are extensive and can be long-lasting. It is free. I hope you give it a try. We all need a little less stress in our lives. Mindfulness can give you that gift.
Moving Forward After Being A Victim of Crime
How can I move on?
Being a victim of crime, or witnessing a crime, can be a very scary and frightening experience, whether you are a child, a young person or an adult. Remember everyone reacts differently to crime.
How you react can depend on lots of factors – such as what happened to you, the kind of person you are, the support networks you already have and your past life experiences. While some feelings – such as anger or fear – are more common, there are no rules. So whatever you are feeling is fine.
How long will it take until I feel better?
Some people are able to get on with their lives immediately, while for others it can take weeks, months or years to begin to pick up the pieces, or talk about how the crime has affected them. We know that dealing with your feelings can be difficult, but most people find that talking about it helps. That’s where our Victim of Crime Act (VOCA) Case Managers can really make a difference.
Potential Effects of Trauma
Some people who have been victims of crime may experience some of these symptoms.
Physical
Nausea
Tremors
Chills or sweating
Lack of coordination
Heart palpitations or chest pains
High blood pressure
Headaches
Sleep disturbances
Stomach upset
Dizziness
Loss of appetite
Startled responses
Emotional
Anxiety
Fear
Guilt
Grief
Depression
Sadness
Anger
Irritability
Numbness
Feeling lost, abandoned, and isolated
Wanting to withdraw or hide
Mental
Slowed thinking
Confusion
Disorientation
Memory problems
Intrusive memories or flashbacks
Nightmares
Inability to concentrate
Difficulty in making decisions
Tips for Coping
These are some ideas that may help you cope with the trauma or loss:
Find someone to talk with about how you feel and what you are going through.
Keep the phone number of a good friend nearby to call when you feel overwhelmed or feel panicked.
Allow yourself to feel the pain. It will not last forever.
Keep a journal.
Spend time with others, but also make time to spend some time alone.
Take care of your mind and body. Rest, sleep, and eat regular, healthy meals.
Re-establish a normal routine as soon as possible, but don’t over-do.
Make daily decisions, which will help to bring back a feeling of control over your life.
Exercise, though not excessively and alternate with periods of relaxation.
Undertake daily tasks with care. Accidents are more likely to happen after severe stress.
Recall the things that helped you cope during trying times and loss in the past and think about the things that give you hope. Turn to them on bad days.
These are things to avoid:
Be careful about using alcohol or drugs to relieve emotional pain. Becoming addicted not only postpones healing, but also creates new problems.
Make daily decisions, but avoid making life changing decisions in the immediate aftermath, since judgment may be temporarily impaired.
Don’t blame yourself—it wasn’t your fault.
Your emotions need to be expressed. Try not to bottle them up.
For some victims and families of victims, life is forever changed. Life may feel empty and hollow. Life doesn’t “mean” what it used to. Part of coping and adjusting is redefining the future. What seemed important before may not be important now. Many victims find new meaning in their lives as a result of their experience. It is important to remember that emotional pain is not endless and that it will eventually ease. It is impossible to undo what has happened but life can be good again in time.
For Family and Friends of a Victim of Crime
Listen carefully.
Spend time with the victim.
Offer your assistance, even if they haven’t asked for help.
Help with everyday tasks like cleaning, cooking, caring for the family, minding the children.
Give them private time.
Don’t take their anger or other feelings personally.
Don’t tell them they are “lucky it wasn’t worse”—traumatized people are not consoled by such statements.
Tell them that you are sorry such an event has occurred to them and you want to understand and help them.
Successful Co-Parenting Following Divorce
Divorce is difficult on anyone, but especially the children of the family in transition. When a family is transitioning, the important thing to remember is that both parents still want the best for their children. Children are extremely vulnerable during these times and it’s important to co-parent in a way that is best for their growth and development. Co-parenting with civility and respect will lead to children becoming more productive and happy adults when they grow up.
Since the 1960’s, divorce for first marriages has been 50-percent, with an even higher percentage for subsequent marriages. Children in these families experience the same emotions as the parents - anger, fear, hurt, sadness, and frustration - but do not have the same perspective on those feelings, or an advanced way of dealing with them.
Steps you can take and why:
Parents should always provide opportunities for their children to talk about their feelings without judgement, and should react compassionately to what their children are saying. Children may feel fearful, because they are dependent on their family for everything and that structure is crumbling. Children will worry about their parents, and sometimes feel like they need to take care of the parents who are going through a difficult time. The same children may also feel angry that the adults in their life couldn’t work things out and stay together. The children may also be lonely, as parents are preoccupied with their situation. All of these emotions can be confusing and frustrating for the child and they may be afraid to express these feelings for fear of getting punished or abandoned.
Communicate with the children that the divorce is not their fault. Children may also blame themselves for the break-up of the family, so it is imperative they know it is not their fault for the divorce. Parents may be under the impression that the child is not blaming themselves, so they may not address it directly, but in most cases, the child will be creating a faulty narrative that the marriage would have survived if it weren’t for the added stress of them.
Also, children see, hear, and feel the conflict between the parents, and that conflict has a negative impact on their emotional well-being. Parents can mediate this by learning how to communicate effectively with their children during and after this transition. Children need all their feelings validated and respected. Listen to your children first and hear what they are saying, rather than placing your expectations on what they should feel. It’s also important to give your child time and space to come to you with their feelings. They should never be rushed or interrogated about how they feel. It helps to have an ongoing dialogue about small things, so you’ll eventually be able to talk about the big things when they come up.
Parents need to provide consistency, cooperation, and positive communication. Part of this positive communication is to never speak poorly about the other parent to the child. The issues that one parent has with the other, or the trouble in their relationship, should never be brought to the child. Children do not have the same issues with their parents as the parents have with each other. It is important for the children to know that even though the structure of their family is dividing, or will look different after the transition, the structure is still sound, and they can still rely on both parents and their family for support and guidance as they grow up. Children must be free to love both parents equally and to experience their loss honestly. They did not choose to get divorced, the parents did, so they may be slower to accept the transition. It may take children several years to accept the changes in the family.
Where your children are developmentally will determine how you need to address these changes in the family. However, no matter what stage of development they are at, the important thing to understand is that the divorce, separation, or transition alone does not harm children. It is the intensity and duration of the conflict between parents will adversely affect the child’s development.
Parents should understand that divorce can be difficult on children and always react compassionately to what they are experiencing
Parents should always provide opportunities for their children to talk about their feelings without judgement
Parents should communicate with the children that the divorce is not their fault
Parents need to provide consistency, cooperation, and positive communication
Parents should never speak ill of the other co-parent
Parents should understand that reactions to a family separation can vary from child to child and from age to age
Co-parent with civility and respect
Looking Forward:
Children can adapt very well to a family transition, but it depends on the parents and their reaction to the fear and very real concerns of abandonment that the children may be feeling. Parents need to work together to co-parent these children in a way that is respectful and cooperative, for the good of the children.
Some of the hallmarks of this cooperative co-parenting should be flexibility, tolerance of each other’s life styles, consistency, involvement with the children, and the acknowledgment that the other parent is still very important to the child, even though you are no longer married.
Parents should never speak poorly about the other parent in front of the children and should work to include them as much as possible in the children’s lives. Parents should diminish conflict whenever possible. It helps to approach the co-parent in a courteous and professional manner, instead of the personal and emotional way that you’ve communicated in the past. With civility and respect, parents should be able to transition smoothly without causing the myriad of physical and mental issues for their children. Even though the parents have chosen to divorce, the children should never have to pay the price for that transition.
What is trauma?
How to recognize it and what to do about it.
What is trauma?
When we think of trauma, we often think of a single event that causes great pain or harm. However, trauma is not that limited. A traumatic event can be anything that causes symptoms such as:
Flashbacks of the event
Nightmares of the event
Avoidance of people, places, or things that remind you of the event
Feeling numb or disconnected from others
Difficulty concentrating
Exhaustion
Sadness
Anxiety
Chronic pain
Angry outburst or irritability
Substance abuse
Insomnia
Self-harming behaviors
Belief that the world is a dangerous place and that you cannot trust anyone
Inability to experience pleasure
There are also different types of trauma. A person can experience acute, chronic, or complex trauma.
Acute Trauma
Acute trauma is probably the type that most people are familiar with. An acute trauma occurs when a person is exposed to a single highly stressful event, such as a natural disaster, witnessing violence, being the victim of violence, or anything that threatens your life or your safety. Acute trauma can lead to long-term mental health problems if not appropriately addressed early.
Chronic Trauma
Chronic trauma is a response to repeated, ongoing traumatic experiences, such as physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, domestic violence, or poverty. These situations can lead to lasting effects such as anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), flashbacks, nightmares, substance abuse disorders, and self-harming behaviors.
Complex Trauma
Complex trauma occurs when a person has prolonged exposure to traumatic circumstances, such as being abandoned, child abuse or neglect, sexual assault, or war-related experiences. Complex trauma can cause both mental and physical harm to an individual who experiences it.
Common Causes of Trauma
Trauma can be caused by many different experiences. We associate highly dangerous, dramatic, scary situations, such as violence, abuse, natural disasters, or death when we think someone is traumatized, but it can also come from more routine or universal experiences that affect one person more greatly than another. These can include:
Being excluded from a friend or co-worker group
The loss of a pet
The loss of income due to unemployment or illness
Physical injury
Prolonged exposure to news of violence, wars, or natural disasters
Isolation
Fear of death
Following the COVID-19 pandemic, many more children and adults are experiencing trauma due to the loss of a loved one, a change in their economic status, isolation, and a fear of the unknown and death. It is important to seek professional help if you are experiencing some of the symptoms of trauma above. Caring for your mental health is just as important as your physical health and early intervention is extremely effective in managing any adverse effects of trauma. Children who have been traumatized can get a free mental health evaluation by referring to our Screening Connecticut’s Youth (SCY) Program.
You can refer a child to the program by clicking here and filling out this form.
Warning Signs of a Controlling or Abusive Relationship
When a relationship is new, even partners who will eventually become abusive can seem like the ideal mate, but warning signs may start to occur that something is not quite right. Abusers will often use manipulative tactics to make their partners feel like they should not trust their instincts. They may gaslight, a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind, a victim into thinking the abusive behavior was the their fault, or that it was not as bad as they perceived.
More than 12 million people are abused annually in the United States, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. There are usually some red flags before the abuse begins.
Red Flags
Telling you that you never do anything right.
Showing extreme jealousy of your friends or time spent away from them.
Preventing or discouraging you from spending time with others, particularly friends, family members, or peers.
Insulting, demeaning, or shaming you, especially in front of other people.
Preventing you from making your own decisions, including about working or attending school.
Controlling finances in the household without discussion, such as taking your money or refusing to provide money for necessary expenses.
Pressuring you to have sex or perform sexual acts you’re not comfortable with.
Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol.
Intimidating you through threatening looks or actions.
Insulting your parenting or threatening to harm or take away your children or pets.
Intimidating you with weapons like guns, knives, bats, or mace.
Destroying your belongings or your home.
“Abuse comes in so many forms; it doesn’t ever have to get physical. If someone calls you names, stops you from seeing family/friends, monitors what you post on social media, keeps your money or other forms of income, controls your medication, etc., this is also abuse. This is applicable to all relationships, not just intimate partners. Interactions with family members, friends, individuals in caretaking positions, and other relationships can turn abusive.
While we all may experience abuse differently, it is never your fault. Abuse can happen to anyone, which is why it’s important to remember that you can always seek help. You are not alone.”
Krystal Ambrozaitis, MS
VOCA Regional Coordinator
What should a healthy relationship look like?
A healthy relationship should include the following characteristics. Everyone goes through stressful times and are not always the ideal partner at all times, but health relationships should default to these characteristics more often than not.
Mutual respect
Communication without fear of retaliation
Honesty and accountability
Trust and support
Fair negotiation when there are differences of opinion
When to ask for help
“As a child I witnessed many years of domestic violence. It was a scary time for me. I wondered why she would not leave, but when I became an adult I learned why. She was afraid to leave as many DV victims are afraid. As a child I never said a word; enduring years of trauma witnessing my mother being brutality assaulted. But one day my mom decided to leave him and we stayed at several DV shelter’s across the state. She never went back and regained her life. I will always admire my mother for having the courage to walk away from that horrific situation. My mother is my hero. Don’t be afraid to break the cycle. WE can help.”
Yolanda Ortiz, MS
VOCA Regional Coordinator
If you recognize any of the behaviors above in your partner, it is important to know that help is available. The case managers of our Victims of Crime Act (VOCA) Program can assist with a safety plan, provide advocacy and support, help you find housing if necessary, and help you with the Victims Compensation Process. It is not too late to change the ending of your story.
For more information or to fill out a referral form, see https://www.ctfsa.org/voca-case-management-program
The Importance of Early Detection and Intervention for Mental Health Issues in Children and Adolescents
Mental health is just as important as physical health, but it's often overlooked in children and adolescents. However, mental health issues can have a profound impact on a child's life, affecting their relationships, academic performance, and overall well-being. That's why early detection and intervention are crucial for addressing mental health issues in children and adolescents.
Early Detection Saves Lives
When mental health issues go undetected and untreated, they can worsen over time and lead to serious consequences, such as suicide or self-harm. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), suicide is the second leading cause of death for people ages 10-34. However, early detection and intervention can prevent these tragic outcomes.
Detecting Mental Health Issues in Children
Detecting mental health issues in children and adolescents can be challenging, as they may not have the words to describe how they're feeling or may not understand what's going on. However, there are some signs to watch for that may indicate a mental health issue:
Changes in mood, behavior, or personality
Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much
Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
Problems with eating or appetite
Trouble focusing or completing tasks
Physical symptoms such as stomach aches or headaches
Substance use or abuse
If you notice any of these signs in your child, it's important to talk to them and seek professional help if necessary.
Intervention is Key
Intervention can take many forms, depending on the nature and severity of the mental health issue. It may involve therapy, medication, or a combination of both. The important thing is to get help as soon as possible. The longer mental health issues go untreated, the harder they can be to overcome.
Tangible Action Steps
Here are some tangible action steps you can take to support your child's mental health:
Talk to your child: Encourage open communication with your child, and listen to what they have to say. Be supportive and understanding, and let them know that you're there for them.
Educate yourself: Learn about the signs of mental health issues in children and adolescents, and how to get help if necessary. The more you know, the better equipped you'll be to support your child.
Seek professional help: If you suspect that your child may be struggling with a mental health issue, seek professional help as soon as possible. Talk to your child's doctor or a mental health professional to get a proper diagnosis and treatment plan.
Advocate for mental health: Help reduce the stigma surrounding mental health by advocating for mental health awareness and support in your community. Talk to your child's school about mental health education, and support organizations that focus on mental health.
Early detection and intervention are crucial for addressing mental health issues in children and adolescents. By being proactive and taking action to support your child's mental health, you can help prevent serious consequences and improve their overall well-being. If you're concerned about your child's mental health, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Remember, mental health is just as important as physical health, and early detection can save lives.
Sign Up for the SCY Program Today!
Don't wait to get your child the support they need. Sign up for the Screening Connecticut's Youth (SCY) program today and get a better understanding of your child's mental health. Early detection and intervention can make all the difference in helping your child manage their mental health and thrive!
Understanding the Signs and Symptoms of Anxiety in Children and How to Help
Anxiety is a normal part of life, but when it becomes overwhelming and affects a child's daily functioning, it can be a cause for concern. Children with anxiety may feel nervous, scared, or worried about everyday situations. As a parent or caregiver, it's important to recognize the signs and symptoms of anxiety in children and provide support and resources to help them manage their anxiety.
Signs and Symptoms of Anxiety in Children
Anxiety can manifest in different ways for different children. Some common signs and symptoms of anxiety in children include:
Refusal to attend school or social activities
Worrying excessively about everyday events or future events
Complaints of physical symptoms such as headaches or stomach aches
Difficulty sleeping or nightmares
Avoiding situations that trigger anxiety
Frequent tantrums or crying spells
Perfectionism and excessive self-criticism
If you notice any of these signs in your child, it's important to address them and provide support and resources.
How to Help Children with Anxiety
Validate their feelings: Let your child know that it's okay to feel anxious and that you understand what they're going through. Encourage them to express their feelings and listen attentively.
Practice relaxation techniques: Teach your child relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. Practice these techniques together and incorporate them into your child's daily routine.
Encourage positive self-talk: Help your child replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Encourage them to talk to themselves in a positive and encouraging way.
Set achievable goals: Help your child set realistic and achievable goals. Celebrate their successes and encourage them to keep trying.
Seek professional help: If your child's anxiety is severe or interfering with their daily functioning, seek professional help. Talk to your child's doctor or a mental health professional about treatment options.
If you suspect your child may be struggling with anxiety, don't hesitate to reach out for help. Remember, anxiety is treatable, and with the right support and resources, your child can learn to manage their anxiety and feel more confident. Consider scheduling a screening with the SCY program to get a better understanding of your child's mental health. With early detection and intervention, your child can receive the support they need to thrive.
Sign Up for the SCY Program Today!
Don't wait to get your child the support they need. Sign up for the Screening Connecticut's Youth (SCY) program today and get a better understanding of your child's mental health. Early detection and intervention can make all the difference in helping your child manage their anxiety and thrive.